Laser eyes

This is my own estimated simulation of what I could see before and after LASIK eye surgery. (In this context, simulation basically means that it’s a photoshop blur turned up as far as it could go.) Overall, the surgery was a big success and I would do it over again any day. On the other hand, five separate 200 mile car trips for a surgery that itself only lasted 10 minutes is a little ironic. It’s like building a Rube Goldberg machine for clipping your toenails. And I’m still trying to figure out how a 0.1 oz container of 99.97% water is worth $70 at a pharmacy. But regardless, after a scratched cornea, a rough edge of a cornea flap, 48 eye drops per day, and a quarter million dollars worth of gas, things are looking really good.

Things you shouldn’t say to a guy with a time machine

1. Thanks for the gift. You really shouldn’t have done that.

2. You should invest in Enron. Their future looks really promising.

3. Here’s your new assignment, and we need this done yesterday.

4. Wanna bet?

5. Prepare for Y2K! The world as we know it could end!

6. April fools!