Bad language

I work for a music recording company, so I hear technical jargon all the time. Not just the usual stuff like hard drive and RAM, I hear some pretty serious stuff like DMX-4 and 24-80′s and all kinds of stuff with numbers and letters. And that’s just the beginning.

Of course, with myself being a graphic designer, I have my own jargon. But I try to refrain from using it, because the last time I did somebody thought I called them a dingbat.

Well that explains it

Proof that I’m a robot, or at least a cyborg (half robot):

1. I show no emotions or feelings
2. I’m impervious to extreme heat and cold
3. I’ve never broken a bone
4. I never sleep. I only recharge
5. I was programed to obey all commands from one particular person
6. I downloaded the Cold virus
7. I think really slow, revealing that my processor and RAM need an upgrade
8. I can operate on very little food, although I can consume large quantities on demand
9. I follow traffic laws to a capital T
10. I have monocular vision, which means the drivers for the CCD chips in my eyes are probably outdated
11. I can beat any human in a staring contest
12. I don’t get bored
13. I don’t age as fast as real people, which explains why I look like I’m 16 when I’m 20

It turns out artificial intelligence isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Let me tell you from experience, robots will never be smart enough to take over the world. Believe me, I’ve tried.

Currency conversion

Every country needs to have their own currency, and while I don’t quite have my own country (yet) that doesn’t mean I can’t have my own currency. Not owning a country never stopped Monopoly or Chuck E Cheese from creating a money system. My aim is to put a new meaning to the term “currency conversion.” I know people might not be too quick to give up their dollars and euros, but I hope that the masses will see the logic in my system and slowly convert to Ramens.

While coming just short of broke while paying the rent on my apartment, I inevitably learned the value of Ramen noodles. When faced with the choice between a bag of chips or a month’s worth of noodles, I quickly determined that eating to live is much more economical than living to eat. I also discovered that Ramen is one of the only diets where you can pretty much live off of the nickels you find on the ground. So I started using Ramens to gauge how much things are worth. For example, a pack of gum could be worth roughly 4 Ramens. Two scoops of ice cream at Culvers is worth about 25 Ramens. When we move on to more expensive items like, say, a car, the numbers start getting bigger. A typical small car can cost upwards of 100,000 Ramens. So I created a larger unit of Ramens equal to a year’s worth of noodles. Using Ramen Years, that same car would cost about 760 Ramen Years.

If everyone converted to my currency, it would be so much simpler for everyone. And unlike paper bills, the money would actually be worth something. Maybe if I save up enough Ramens I could finally buy myself that country I’ve been wanting.