November 2005
Man, I have never been this tense in my life. I’m here at the hospital waiting room, waiting to hear something back about my girlfriend. No, she’s not having a baby. She’s having her knee operated on. I was all nervous and shaking and everything and when they were about to take her to the operating room I almost blacked out. They had to take my blood pressure to make sure I was still alive. I’m shaking like crazy, even as I’m typing this. The doctors and nurses were very comforting as they told us about how they were going to shove a needle in her hand and stick a tube down her throat. And that’s all before the surgery. Then they slice open her knee, stretch open her skin, play around with her tendons, and screw in a few screws. Then they pull out the staple gun and blast a few staples into her. Finally she wakes up, hopefully in stable condition, and we all live happily ever after.
11.28.2005 by Josh Meyer | 6:26 pm | Comments (4)
I had bacon for breakfast this morning, but there was some question in my mind about what kind of “bacon” it was. There was several possibilities of what it could have been, one being an artificial composite bacon, which we have had in the past. Although it somewhat resembles the flavor of bacon, I think it would be a little more accurately compared to cardboard. Another likely candidate was turkey bacon, which we have also had before. The spices that they use do a pretty good job of disguising the fact that it’s turkey, but it still lacks the greasy, fattening nature of bacon, which is what makes bacon so great. But judging by the texture and hardness of the material that I was consuming, I figured it was most likely dog food. You know, those yummy “Beggin’ Strips” that you see on tv. So I kept that lovely thought in my mind while I crunched it down. But I later found out that it was actually real bacon which my dad had burnt to a crisp.
11.12.2005 by Josh Meyer | 9:00 am | Comments (0)
Doing my business in the local human waste facility today, I was racking my brain trying to think of something to blog about when I unconsciously found myself staring at this little orange box. Written all over the box was the phrase, “12 hour relief.” The first question that went through my mind was, “How do they put relief in a box?” Immediately following this question was, “If indeed they can put relief in a box, how do they fit it in a box that small?” After contemplating this concept for a while, I thought about all the stress of life, all the aching hearts in the world, and all the pain and humiliation of admitting that I’m not as bright as some people. And not to mention hurricane relief. Wouldn’t it be cool if all this could be relieved by what was inside this small, orange box, if only for 12 hours? I went in for a closer look to find out how it worked, but was disappointed when I saw the picture of a dude rubbing his back where there was a small heat pack relieving his back pain.
11.12.2005 by Josh Meyer | 12:00 am | Comments (0)
Blog RSS